According to professional sex researcher, James R. Coffey,boobs, titties, knockers, hooters, headlights, juggs, mammalary protuberances–call ’em what you will–there’s no denying the global obsession with breasts. (We do, in fact, have more euphemisms for breasts than for any other body part!) Men and woman; gay, lesbian, and straight; old and young–we never seem to get our fill of those lovely, mysterious orbs that vary so greatly in size, texture, and color, and usually come in pairs.

Some like ‘em small. Some like ‘em big. But most like ‘em somewhere in-between. And though every known mammal on the planet possesses these fleshy glands–male and female alike–it is those possessed by women that hold by far the greatest allure and mystique In fact, no other body part garners the same appeal, scrutiny, envy or destain as breasts. And aside from their use in selling everything from cars to hamburgers to social awareness, there are numerous billion-dollar industries dedicated to their continued adoration: bra and undergarment industries, cosmetic surgery profession, and sex industries the most apparent. But, is our fascination with women’s breasts really an obsession . . . or just the attraction nature intended?

STRONG WARNING VERY VERY HOT ADULT MATERIALS. Please do not click if you are not 18 years or older

For centuries, scholars have speculated as to when, and ultimately, why humans begin walking upright. While all theories assume that walking upright was an adaptive–evolutionary–step in humankind’s striving to improve his chances of survival, there is no consensus among the scientific community as to what prompted this step, nor why it was necessarily an improvement. Many anthropologists contend that changing environmental conditions of the African Serengeti made it necessary to regularly transport sizable amounts of animal carcasses over great distances (in order to avoid becoming prey themselves), which made freeing the hands a logical evolutionary adaptation. Walking upright meant that man could discover the remains of an animal killed by a larger predatory animal, load his arms with as much as they could carry, then make a hasty getaway–not limited by slow agility or inability to bear large loads. Another theory, proposed by many paleo-anatomists, is that before walking upright, the downward positioning of the female pelvis (and corresponding narrow birth canal) could not accommodate the larger brain (and skull) humanoids needed to develop for further evolutionary advances–such as speech and tool use. Walking upright caused the pelvis to shift in a manner that resulted in a realigning of the birth canal requiring births to rotate from facing forward to sideways as they emerge, then turn another 90 degrees to accommodate the larger head. But the theory gaining greatest support among many evolutionary psychologists is that standing upright was simply part of an evolutionary reproductive scheme geared to man’s–and that’s not mankind’s–growing interest in the female mammae; the first step in making the psycho-sexual transition to “boobs!" Of course, this also afforded females a better view of males’ penises!